Whispers on a Gentle Breeze

Figured I'd check in and let everyone know I'm still hanging in there. Of course, I posted chapter 13 of Side by Side. I also turned over chapter 14 to my pre-reader. I haven't begun writing chapter 15 yet.

Last week my doctor put me on a new medication. Let's just say it had some unfortunate side effects, like waking up at night with panic attacks. But she told me to hang in there, and I do seem to be adjusting to it. The biggest problem at the moment is I'm feeling an extra amount of fatigue.

Now my sleep doctor wants me to come in for another sleep lab. He thinks he either wants to adjust the pressure on my CPAP or put me on, I think he said, a variable BiPAP. Apparently he went back and reviewed the heart monitor / oxygen saturation results and wasn't satisfied with what he saw while I was in REM sleep. I don't really mind so much, except it feels like I never get to sleep in that lab, even though they tell me I fall asleep after about fifteen minutes.

We had a pleasant Thanksgiving here, overall. Only problem is that because of my health, I was careful not to overindulge. Which rather takes a lot of fun out of the feasting. Oh well. I did give thanks for still being here.

I have completed the edit of chapter 13 of Side by Side based on my pre-reader's work. Now it just needs the final polish, which I will not attempt tonight. Hopefully, I can take care of that Sunday and get the chapter posted the same day. We'll see. Then I'll turn over chapter 14 to my pre-reader.

I finished the first draft of Side by Side, chapter 14 tonight. Now I can finally feel comfortable going back and editing chapter 13 based on my pre-reader's work. I'm crossing my fingers that I'll feel well enough this weekend to get most of that task done then. It would really be nice to get the chapter posted. After all, it's been about four and a half months since I last posted a chapter for SbS, and that was the diversion off in China which didn't even involve Akane and Ranma.

I managed to write a good bit more on chapter 14 of Side by Side last night. There are still a couple of scenes left to go in that chapter, but I feel like I'm a lot closer to wrapping it up.

Of course, I'm sure my readers would like me to take my pre-reader's work on chapter 13, knock that chapter into shape, and post it. But events in the two chapters are tied together pretty tightly, and I don't think I'll be comfortable posting 13 until I'm sure of everything I'm doing in 14. So I think I'm going to insist on finishing the first draft of 14.

After cardiac rehab this morning, I wandered over to the next wing where my endoscopy was done two days ago, to casually ask one of the nurses if I should be concerned that my throat was still sore. I figured I'd either be told "no, that's normal" or "yes, you should check with your doctor" or something in between. Instead they indicated they wanted to have the doctor talk to me and asked me to wait in the waiting room. Silly me. I ended up waiting for two hours before the doctor finally got around to talking to me for ten minutes. And basically it amounted to "wait and see". Argh.

What if someone came up with a spell to split Ranma into four different guys, one for each girl, but each of the four of them decided that he was going to be the one to marry Akane? I can just see a wedding in which Akane marries four Ranma's. Damn. Now I'm thinking hentai thoughts about the wedding night.

Well, to satisfy Maveric's request, I'm still here, still planning to write, but haven't done much lately. I was feeling pretty lousy most of last week and ended up in the ER again for part of Saturday. I had another endoscopy today, a follow up to the previous one, which indicates that the ulcers have mostly healed. He did take some biopsies of some areas which will probably come back negative. Right now my throat is pretty sore but I'm otherwise feeling generally okay.

I'm getting rather tired of making regular trips to the ER. I don't want the doctors to find anything else wrong with me, but if they really have fixed all of the problems then I wish my body would accept that and stop giving me these episodes where I feel so bad that I have no choice but to go in and have them check me. At least the nurse today had a very deft touch with the IV. God spare me from ham handed EMT's who make me curse loudly when they ram the needle in. Which is an unfair over-generalization, since one or two of the paramedics have managed it fairly painlessly, and some of the hospital nurses give the others real competition for making it painful. I remember once in the hospital the nurse failed to get a good line three times in a row one night when she wanted to change the IV, so she finally gave up and left the old one there. The next morning another nurse tried again, and also failed three times. She finally called in a supervisor who was able to get a good line in.

You know one of the things that's cutting into my time the most? I go to bed early almost every night. (Well, early as compared to my previous lifestyle.) When I'm feeling bad, then I seek the escape of sleep, hoping that I'll feel better in the morning. Which I usually do, at least for a while.

I really do need to get back to the neko-ken situation in Side by Side. I've made one significant change in this story that I think/hope will catch everyone by surprise. This will be revealed in the next chapter to be posted, but I'm still dealing with ramifications of it in the chapter after which is incomplete.

I have a little more news to relate. My pre-reader finished her work on chapter 13 of Side by Side today! So now it's time for me to get busy and try to get the chapter ready for posting, not to mention how I need to finish writing chapter 14. Unfortunately, I find it difficult to get into the proper frame of mind with so much else on my mind.

It's three o'clock in the afternoon, and I'm looking out the window and seeing snow. Mixed in with some rain, but still snow. The first daytime snow I've seen this season, although it was also snowing at four in the morning when I went to the ER Friday - but somehow it doesn't seem as unexpected to see snow when it's dark and the temperature is near the low point shortly before dawn. So, less than one month into autumn and we're already seeing snow.

I'm afraid I have no news to impart on the writing front at this time.

I'm afraid that I can't report much progress yet on my writing of chapter 14 of Side by Side, or for that matter, for my pre-reader's work on chapter 13. They will be done eventually.

I just returned from my colonoscopy a short time ago. The real torture was the preparation work yesterday. The sedation prevented me from remembering anything about the actual procedure itself today. They did find some diverticulosis, for which I should increase the amount of fiber in my diet. But nothing truly serious like tumors (my father died from colon cancer).

Response to the conclusion of In Vino Veritas? was good. I'm glad to hear how much people enjoyed the twists I put into the story.

I've finished the edit based on the pre-read of chapter 2 of In Vino Veritas?. Which surprises me mildly, because I haven't felt very well today. Now all that's left is the final read through and polish, and I can post it. If I'm feeling well enough, I might even get that done tomorrow (Sunday). No promises though, especially given how I felt today.

I really want to appreciate Takahashi-sensei's new manga Rinne, but so far I'm having trouble. It's not bad, but so far it doesn't even compare to Inuyasha, let alone Ranma 1/2. I think part of the problem is, we aren't seeing enough about the background or family of either of the main characters. With Ranma, of course, the beginning was packed with their families and the home setting. It provided the foundation from which they operated, which helped in understanding and getting into the characters. With Inuyasha, we also meet Kagome's family early on, although it takes a while to piece together some of Inuyasha's background. But with Rinne, we have yet to meet (significantly) any of the heroine's family, had to wait to meet Rinne's and learn any of his background and still haven't found out much. I think it leaves me with a feeling that I don't really know either of these characters yet, which makes it hard to get into them.

I made some progress tonight on editing chapter 2 of In Vino Veritas? based on my pre-reader's work. I still have a ways to go, though.

My pre-reader has completed her work for chapter 2 of In Vino Veritas?! Now it's time for me to do my work, and knock the chapter into shape for posting. Remember, this is the conclusion of the story. In her email delivering her notes, she included the comment, "Awwwwww! Very cute."

I also did a little more work on chapter 14 of Side by Side. The chapter is probably around 2/3 finished.

A new person joined the cardiac rehab class yesterday, an older woman. However, one of the others hasn't been there for the last two classes, and I wonder if she's dropped out. The sadistic nurses are pushing me a little harder, adding a grade to the treadmill and upping the resistance on the pedaling. Although I'm not really complaining. I've been so weakened that I can't take the feeling of my heart rate hitting 100 beats per minute, and that's simply got to change.

I tried to drive to the office today, an experiment to see if I was ready to start riding in with a colleague next week. The answer is that I'm not. It's about a 40-50 minute commute depending on traffic, and I was only able to make it halfway there. I'd taken my wife along in case of such problems (and to drive back, certain I wouldn't be up to that.) She finished the drive in. I was so wiped out by the time I sat down in my office that I couldn't do much more than sit there. I managed to sit through a meeting. Greeted all the people in my group. Then let my wife drive home. I'm recovered now (a few hours later), but I've already decided that I'm going to have to work from home for at least another week.

Happy October!
My wife and I are looking forward to Halloween.

Have I ever mentioned on this blog that Halloween equals Christmas? I don't think I have. I got this one from Isaac Asimov. You see, 31 Oct = 25 Dec. As in, 31 (octal) = 25 (decimal), since 3*8+1 = 2*10+5. A rather mathematical pleasantry, I fear, but one that I quite like.

I got a good bit written on the next scene in chapter 14 of Side by Side. Maybe another 7-8% of the chapter. Ranma and Akane now know that Shampoo is back in Japan.

I finished rewriting the portion of Side by Side 14 I had previously written, and wrote an additional short scene. This brings me once more to about what should be the midpoint of the chapter. My pre-reader has also done some work on chapter 2 of In Vino Veritas?.

So, things are moving forward on the writing front, if slowly.

Trying to get some work done, but not achieving very much. I managed to review chapter 13 of Side by Side today, knocking it into shape for my pre-reader. So once she returns chapter 2 of In Vino Veritas? I'll be able to pass SbS 13 along to her. Or at least I'm reasonably satisfied that I can. Chapters 13 and 14 are going to be fairly tightly tied together, and I haven't finished writing 14 yet. So the possibility remains that I might end up wanting to make some further changes in 13. Probably not, though.

I almost wrote some real self-pitying crap here, but I don't want to do that. I just hope that between the cardiac rehab and the stuff they have me on to heal the ulcers, that things turn around soon. The nurses in rehab could be pushing me harder than they are, if the problems in my gut weren't getting in the way.

Not unexpectedly, at age 49 I'm the youngest of the five people in my rehab class. Three men and two women, looked after by three nurses. I've always hated exercising, although I did do some before all this started. Of course, after spending so much time in hospitals over the last couple of months I'm having to start slowly even without the stomach problems. No way to speed it up, I suppose.

Enough about me. Let's see. SbS. I had originally written about half of chapter 14, maybe a little more. But then I realized I'd messed up. By now, people should have suspicions concerning part of my plans for Akane and Ranma, what with the dreams and a few other hints I've dropped. But in the original writing of chapter 14 I advanced that plotline much too far, much too quickly. It was definitely my plan to advance it, but I came to a stop around halfway through the chapter and said, "This is wrong." So I had to go back and rewrite the chapter from the beginning.  I had gotten about halfway through that rewrite (so about a quarter of the way through the chapter) when I last worked on it. Now I need to pick it up again and finish the rewrite (and the chapter), and get it right this time.

At the current time I'm planning to keep my focus on SbS, once IVV is completed. While I have other incomplete stories or story ideas to turn to, given my current ability to concentrate I think I'm better off sticking with an established story. But then again, who knows? Maybe my muse will insist on something. Although the one story idea my thoughts tend to turn to these days when they're not on IVV or SbS would be another fairly long story, and I really don't feel up to starting any new long stories right now. If my muse does convince me to pick up something and run with it, it's much more likely to be a one-shot or other fairly short story.

Hosannah, hasannah, sannah, sannah, ho. I finally posted chapter 1 of In Vino Veritas? last night (Sep 21). I realized just before posting that I had neglected to select chapter titles after breaking the story into two chapters. So chapter 1 was titled "Vino" and chapter 2 will be titled "Veritas". I am quite pleased with the response so far, although I still have to reply to most of the reviews. I also need to find time to update my web site and add this story (and accompanying fan art) to the site.

That's despite trying to get some work done at the office today (telecommuting), plus two medical appointments and a couple of long questionnaires I have to fill out before one of the appointments. However, one of those appointments is an orientation before starting cardiac rehab. Despite my disdain for exercise, I am anxious to get into the program, as I am hoping it will help me to start feeling better. After the change in medication I at least haven't been back to the ER yet (fingers crossed), but I'm still feeling pretty lousy a lot of the time. I'm not exactly looking forward to the colonoscopy coming up in October, but I do want to know that everything's been done to know about all possible problems which might be present. The ulcers found by the endoscopy were not a pleasant surprise.

One of the appointments today is for a stress test. That's going to be interesting. Frankly, walking up a flight of stairs is stressful for me right now. Luckily, one of my close work colleagues lives relatively close (several minutes drive), and has offered to let me commute with him for an indefinite period when I'm ready to return to the office (it's a 45-50 minute commute). I suspect it will be a while before I'm willing to risk driving that distance on my own, particularly given the heavy traffic along most of the route.

And I finally broke down and bought a cell phone, after once swearing that I'd never own one of the dratted things. Given the current situation, the benefit of knowing that I'll have access to 911 wherever I am (or at least anywhere I'm likely to be, not being the wilderness sort), far outweighs my distaste for the things.

In other news, I've passed on chapter 2 of IVV to my pre-reader. When I'm feeling up to it, it will be time to go back and take another look at chapter 13 of Side by Side and finish writing chapter 14 (they sort of go together).

I've been getting some work done editing chapter 1 of In Vino Veritas? based on the pre-read. Still have a ways to go though. Hopefully they've finally found an adjustment to my medications which will heal my ulcers, while being agreeable to my cardiologist, and only leaving me feeling crappy, say, half the time.

We'll see, at least.

Joyous news! The pre-read for the first chapter of In Vino Veritas? has been completed! Now - I just have to find the strength to go through her work and edit the chapter so it can be posted. I'm afraid I don't know how long that will take, given the way that I feel these days. But fingers crossed - maybe it won't take all that long.

Hey Kayemsi! Your last five chapters were published at an average of three month intervals, and it's been just over three months since the last chapter. Any chance of seeing chapter 93 soon? (I'd say hint, hint except this is more in the way of a mallet.)

My pre-reader is working on chapter 1 of In Vino Veritas? even as I write this.

My medical issues continue. I saw a gastroenterologist on Friday, who agrees with the cardiologists that some of my continuing issues may have a gastric origin unconnected to the array of medicines I've been put on. He scheduled me for an endoscopy this coming Wednesday, and if he doesn't find anything from that he may do a CT scan of my abdomen to see if there may be arterial problems causing trouble with my intestines. (Blocked arteries in one place can mean blocked arteries elsewhere.)

Then that same night (Friday) I ended up calling 911 again, and taking another ambulance trip to the hospital. This time they didn't exactly admit me, but they did keep me overnight in the ER and sent me home the next morning. The signs still point to something gastric - all EKG's etc. are normal, and the foul mess they call a GI cocktail helped to relieve the symptoms to a degree.

At the moment I'm left counting down the days to the next procedure, wondering what, if anything, they'll find. And wondering whether to hope they'll find something (at least if it's fixable, it might mean finally feeling better afterward). I'm getting really tired of feeling pretty rotten a good chunk of the day, every day, not to mention how difficult it makes it to concentrate on doing anything useful.

I used to say that I hated needles or getting blood drawn. After the last month, I can just about ignore getting blood drawn and regard the needles as a minor inconvenience. What I've learned to hate is getting an IV tube shoved in a vein. A very few times it's been close to painless. The vast majority of times I end up screaming "Son of a b---h!" And I absolutely dread hearing them say that they missed and have to try again with a different vein. A couple of times they missed three bloody, freaking times in a row.

I'm getting rather tired of this. I've just been in and out of the hospital again.

I was feeling kind of lousy Saturday night. Then late that night it got pretty bad, and I started to feel some pain across my chest. I think it might have all been gastric, but the cardiologist on call suggested I go to the emergency room and have it checked "just in case". The doctors there decided to admit me "just in case". The doctors I saw Sunday decided to talk to the cardiologists in Boston where my stents were put in, and those doctors had me transferred there so they could do another angiogram and confirm that everything was still fine with the stents. So Monday they dug another hole in me (in my wrist this time), stuck some more contrast in my coronary arteries, and x-rayed me. Everything is fine in that regard.

So the focus has turned to the possibility of GI problems. They've upped my medication which is supposed to help with that, and are trying to decide how best to proceed. They're leery of scoping me after the recent invasive procedures, and are considering a CT scan to see if I might have blocked blood vessels in my intestines which could be causing problems.

Sigh.

I really just want this all to be over with. After all these stays in the hospital, I'm feeling terribly weak right now.

I have gone back and done the edits I needed to do on the two chapters of In Vino Veritas?, and I have sent the first chapter to my pre-reader. So with a little luck, I might get the chapter posted sometime early in September. Which would be something like two and a half to three months after the last thing I posted (SbS 12).

It's been a week now since I was discharged from the hospital. My heart seems to be doing fine so far. My gut on the other hand ... I think I'm having trouble with the array of medications they put me on. I'm to see a nurse practitioner tomorrow who works with the cardiologist who operated on me, to discuss my symptoms and decide whether we should make any adjustments to the medication now, or wait a little longer for my scheduled follow-up appointment with the doctor next week. I'd like to do something. It's been pretty hard to concentrate on very much the last week, when I'm feeling kind of rotten a lot of the time.

I have to say one thing. Going through all this definitely wasn't the optimal way to go about shedding ten pounds.